


19 Years

by ForceMage56



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games)
Genre: Angst, Closure, Hurt/Comfort, Lots of Angst, Not really handers, Sequal, Starts slow and then just snowballs, handers - Freeform, orphaned child of handers wants revenge is more acurate, revenge story, things go sideways real quick
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-19
Updated: 2016-07-18
Packaged: 2018-07-25 07:41:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 20,702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7524244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ForceMage56/pseuds/ForceMage56
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An AU squeal to dantesdarkqueen's Behind Closed Doors on FFnet. Sienna returns to Starkhaven on her 19th birthday in search of the location of her parent's graves as well as the monster that killed them. Will she be able to come to terms with what she finds? Or will she lose herself to the Vengeance she holds in her heart?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Return

**Author's Note:**

> I started writing this on FFnet a few years ago and figured that if I'm going to spend all of my time on AO3 I might as well upload here as well. I hope you enjoy!

_ Who is the betrayer? _

_ Who’s the killer in the crowd? _

_ The one who creeps in corridors _

_ and doesn’t make a sound. _

_ Florence + the Machine, Heavy in your arms. _

It’s my 19th birthday, 19 years to the day since my parents died.

19 years since Anders cut me from Aria’s body and Fenris spirited me away from her killer.

19 years since I was last in the borders of Starkhaven and now I see the city’s looming walls.

My name is Sienna and I have returned.

I never thought I would get this far undetected and yet here I am, standing right outside the city walls. I squinted up at the top of the ramparts over the main gate. Three flags perched rested there, whipping around in the wind. The middle was Starkhaven’s official flag and on its right was the flag for the Free Marches. It was the one on the left that made me suppress a growl. The flag bore the symbol of the Divine, rarely used these days thanks to the dissolution of the Nevarran Accord and the start of the Mage-Templar war. Few leaders would risk supporting the now controversial chantry, especially after many people still blame the Divine Victoria for dissolving the circles. Despite the fact that the decision was made over a decade ago.

_ Not that the old chantry did anything useful when they were in power _ , I thought grimly.  _ You systematically use and exploit a group of people for the better part of 900 years and you expect them just to lie down and take it? Blind overzealous fools. _

There’s a reason I support the College of Enchanters, and it’s not just because my parents were mages. I sighed, resting my hand on my hip. All I had to do was enter the city undetected. This was going to be interesting.

I glanced down at my armor, I didn’t want to be recognized when I got into the city. Not yet at least. I wore a hood that covered my long bright red hair and most of my face, a defense against being recognized as my mother’s daughter. I was in my black light armor; it would help to stop anyone with sticky fingers whom I would encounter in the streets. My hood was my only protection against the onslaught of wind that seemed content to gather up all the bits from the fields and turn them into projectiles. The wind whipped around my legs allowing a moment for me to appreciate the fact that I wore black leather pants instead of that skirt that went with most leather armor. I was just as fond of my vest, a sturdy garment that protected my neck and torso but left my scarred arms in full view. I rolled my shoulders, readjusting my sword that was strapped to my back. I reached up with my good hand and felt the familiar hilt, my finger-less gloves allowing me to feel the leather grip and the base of the metal. I would always be holding Justice if I could but social norms dictated that she must stay in her scabbard when I wasn’t in immediate danger. Funny thing is I’m always in danger. Luckily my training with Fenris taught me how to unsheathe her at a moment’s notice so the extra seconds weren’t too bad.

I passed through the city gates without much trouble. Other than a guard looking over my equipment, the giant sword on my back to be precise, and telling me that he would be watching me. Why is it always me? I glanced at the map I had brought with me and plotted the quickest way to the Royal archives and after that the Royal palace. I had a family friend to visit. Well, Justice did.

I entered the archives and a wizened scholar with robes that identified him as the royal archivist looked up at me from the tome he was reading.

“May I help you young lady?”

“I’m looking from a tome on the events 19 years ago; do you know where it is?”

“Of course, right this way, what brings you to Starkhaven?” he asked as he led me through the stacks.

“How do you know I’m not from Starkhaven?”

He laughed at that “Not many mercenaries come to Starkhaven; Prince Sebastian made his opinion quite clear about the profession after his family was killed. Makes me wonder what a young women like yourself is doing chancing the displeasure of the Prince, ah here we are”

He pulled a heavy tome from the shelf and set it on a nearby table. I swallowed my response about what I  **would** be willing to chance if my initial suspicion was correct and opened the tome.

I skimmed down the index till I found my birth month and flipped to that section. It took me a minute to sift through all of the entries until I found what I was looking for. The table strained when my fingers froze on the wood as I read the words that were calmly noting my parents capture, sentences, and imprisonment. There was nothing about their escape and worse, nothing about where they fell.

I closed my eyes and bent over the book and focused on the feeling of my fingers biting into the wood.

_So ashamed of what you had done that you wish is removed from history my prince?_ _You can remove the words from a page but I’m still here, you can’t get rid of me. You will NEVER destroy Aria’s legacy the way you sought to destroy her._ I thought bitterly as I recalled her sentence of Tranquility.

I felt a hand on my shoulder and I glanced up in surprise at the old man whose sad smile wafted down at me. He brushed a hair out of my eyes and I realized that my hood had fallen back.

“Horrible isn’t it, a sad tale of misplaced rage and revenge that cost everyone in the end. Though I never thought a mercenary would be interested in a tragedy that happened 19 years ago, 19 years to the day in fact.” He commented as he sat in the chair next to me, looking into my eyes with the endless wisdom that only comes with age and pain. It might have been comforting except that his knowing smile made him look like the cat that had caught the canary.

“I never thought I’d ever meet you.”

I closed the tome and shifted in my chair so I was facing him, I eyed him warily not knowing what to expect. “You know who I am?”

“I always knew that you’d be back.” He tilted his head thoughtfully. “You look so much like your mother, the same look in your eyes too.”

I blinked in surprise, I knew that my parent’s descriptions had been widely circulated but not to that detail. “You saw her?”

“I was the attending scribe during your parent’s sentencing.” He sighed closing his eyes, when he opened them again they were filled with grief. “The memory of her begging for your father’s life will haunt me for the rest my life, she was so determined to save him.” He sighed again moving over to his desk and began rifling through the drawers. “While our fair Prince was quite determined to see them both dead or worse.” His mouth twisting into a grimace at the end.

He pulled out a key and moved to the back of the archives and unlocked the back room that held the classified documents and motioned for me to follow him.

“Prince Sebastian was adamant about keeping the specifics out of the common records, he didn’t want mage fanatics setting up a shrine or templar fanatics defiling where they fell.” He pulled a small tome off the shelf and handed it to me.

“These are the records of the Templar’s debriefing and Prince Sebastian’s personal recall of the events, the only way to know where they died is to look in his personal records which he keeps locked up in the palace.”

I flipped through the pages confirming his description and glanced back at him.

“Why are you helping me? I mean don’t think I’m not grateful but I was sure the second I was recognized I would be apprehended or worse.”

He gave me a sad smile and led me out of the classified records, “Because during the sentencing I never once spoke up, I could have said something but I didn’t and it has haunted me ever since. I didn’t think they deserved to die; the man that destroyed the Chantry in Kirkwall was not the man that dragged before the Prince and sentenced to death. They were sentenced purely out of vengeance and rage, not justice. I knew it was wrong and didn’t say anything to stop it. Maybe helping their daughter will help to right the wrong I did them. Maybe it won’t, but I refuse to do nothing again.”

I couldn’t help my eyes tearing up, call me sentimental but knowing that not all of Starkhaven wanted my parents dead, and me with them, was a relief.

“Thank you, I’m sure they’d understand and judging from what I’ve heard about my mother you would already be forgiven.”

He seemed to have a great weight removed from his shoulders, standing a little taller. “You have no idea what that means to me. Feel free to look over that book; I’ll make sure you aren’t disturbed.”

I thanked him and found a secluded part of the archives to read.

_ You’ll not unleash a demon upon this world, elf! _

_ Too late for me. Save the baby. Please. _

_ I won’t let that happen! You’ll never touch my daughter! She will always be safe from you! _

_ Our baby... Sienna... love you both... so much... _

_ ARIA! _

I jerked awake, Anders’ tortured scream still echoing through my mind. The book of records fell from my lap as I barely stopped myself from falling out of the chair. I groaned and rested my head in my hands. I had been having that same dream for the better part of two years, ever since Fenris and I did that job to rescue some noble’s son from a blood mage cult. In desperation their leader had let loose a pulse of magic to stop Fenris from killing her. The magic got past his defenses and into his memory of Aria and Anders death, trapping us both inside.

When I was 15 Fenris told me what happened to them, but seeing it first hand. I had no words to describe what I felt watching my parents die. I don’t think I ever will. We returned back to the present and Fenris finished driving his sword through the maleficar as I collapsed under the weight of my emotions, barely able to move. The flashback had only lasted moments but it left a lasting impression, it’s also the reason I came.

I knelt down and picked up the book before walking back towards the front flexing my left hand to relive the onset of stiffness as I went. It had never fully recovered from being used to stop a templar sword mid-swing. Then again, neither did the Templar.

I handed the book back to the old man and thanked him for his help. He smiled and wished me on my way. I pulled out my map and grimaced, the only way to the palace was to pass the monastery where the Templar’s were housed. I drew up my hood and set out hoping that I wouldn’t be recognized, not that I mind fighting templars but I rather not bring an entire battalion down on me. It might give them hope that numbers would give them a fighting chance. It won’t.


	2. Pain

_ Pain, without love _

_ Pain, I can't get enough _

_ Pain, I like it rough _

_ 'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all. _

_ Pain, Three Days Grace _

The late afternoon sun filtered down on me from it’s place just above the horizon as I passed through the monastery courtyard. I could hear the clash of steel as the initiates trained under the watchful eyes of the senior Templars. After the Order was taken over by the Red Templars during the Inquisition a handful of sects managed to escape the corrupting influence of Corypheus and became independent. Some of them declared the Divine’s order to dissolve the Circle of Magi an affront to the Maker and have gone underground to continue their crusade against the ‘evils’ of magic. Others recognized the wisdom in letting the mages have their freedom and have pledged to aid the College of Enchanters in anyway they can. Vowing to actually protect and stand by mages, not imprison them.

The Templars of Starkhaven are, surprisingly, one of the latter groups.

I kept to the central pathway, keeping my hood up and my head down. If I was recognized here I doubt that I would receive an understanding welcome, progressive views notwithstanding.

“Keep your footing! You must think on your feet every moment of battle. An enemy won't hesitate to cut you down If you give them an opening!”

I froze at the sound of the commander’s voice. My mind unwilling summoning the memories that I could never forget.

_ She is not a demon, Knight-Commander! That’s just a child, one who just lost her parents! _

I turned towards the voice still dazed by the sudden flashback.

“Ser Canan?” I breathed just before an armored body collided with my back sending me to the ground.

I twisted mid air to land on my back so I wouldn’t shatter my knee on impact. The initiate that ran into me wasn't as lucky and landed next to me face first in the dirt. He shook his head to clear it and began to pick himself up.

“Watch where you're going you-” He cut off mid sentence and stared at me wide-eyed.

I fought the urge to curse, my hood had fallen back because of my mid-air gymnastics. I couldn't afford to be recognized, not when I was so close.

“You!” he scrambled to his feet, backing away from me with a look of absolute terror on his face. “I know you!”

“Venhedis” I growled getting to my feet. So much for avoiding a fight. A deadly hush had fallen over the yard, all eyes were on us.

“Don’t you recognize her?” He glanced around the yard wildly “She’s-”

“She’s the woman that you just knocked to the ground Roron,” The voice that had dazed me just moments ago cut in. “Or do you believe yourself above common courtesy?”

Roron jumped and glanced behind me only to drop his gaze. “No Knight-Commander.”

I turned to look behind me, eye’s wide in surprise. “Knight-Commander?” I whispered.

Sure enough there he was dressed in the Knight-Commander’s plate, with the Knight-Captain a step behind him. He had come far from the title of Knight-Lieutenant that he held when I was born.

The Knight-Captain sentenced Ronon to 50 laps for potential endangerment of a bystander as the yard shifted its focus away from us and back to their drills. I took a slow breath, this could have gotten very ugly very fast. You can’t pull your punches when you're outnumbered 50 to 1. I don’t like to kill people when they only attack me out of fear. Hate, on the other hand, is a completely different matter.

_ “Fear might make us capable of anything, but hate can make us lose everything.” _ I thought grimly as Ser Canan approached me.

“I apologize for my men’s lack of conduct my Lady. I hope you were not injured in the collision.”

I glanced down at my now slightly scuffed armor. “No harm done,” I glanced back up at him grinning slightly despite the circumstances. “Though i’m not sure what i’ve done to earn the title of ‘Lady’.”

He tilted his head towards me, “I still recognize the nobility of your family, though many have chosen to forget.”

The air seemed to grow heavy as memories began to weigh us down.

“There’s not many of us left.” I murmured.

He sighed. “No there aren't, and Thedas hasn't suffered a worst injustice since the words of Andraste were twisted to promote slavery and abuse.”

I blinked in surprise. I hadn’t expected that type of radical reasoning from a Templar, let alone a Knight-Commander.

He smiled grimly at my surprise. “After watching what Ser Baxter did to the Mages he captured, and what he almost did to you. He proclaimed it was all in the Maker’s name. I couldn’t continue serving an Order that condoned the slaughter of innocents and children, but I couldn't bring myself to stand by and do nothing while people suffered. So when I became Knight-Commander I changed the mandate, every Templar here fights for the true word of Andraste.”

I gave him a wary look. The Templars here might be known for their pro-mage policies but there’s a big difference between the official mandate and what orders are actually given. “So you don’t hunt any Mages?”

He seem unsurprised at my skepticism. “We still hunt Maleficar, but not as those heretics do, killing every mage in sight. After the circles were dissolved we reached out to the College of Enchanters and asked for a way to detect Blood magic. They not only gave it to us but also sent the locations of blood mage cults in the Free Marches, we took their side in the Mage-Templar War. They deserve the freedom Andraste fought and died for, not to be wrongly enslaved in her name.”

I looked over at Roron who was still doing laps and brushed some hair out of my face that had gotten loose from my hair tie when I fell. “I doubt that it’s that simple, given Roron’s... spirited reaction to me.”

He nodded “If I hadn't stopped him from revealing your identity the others would have attacked. If you had been recognized by anyone else they might have tried to apprehend you. You’re still the Champion’s daughter, they’ll think you’ve come for revenge.”

I gave him a neutral look. “Don’t you?”

He looked down the path that led to the Palace. “I couldn't stop you even if I wanted to.” He said and simply turned and walked back towards the monastery.

_ That makes two souls drowning in sorrow and regret.  _ A voice in the back of my head said. _ Doesn't matter the reason, they’re in just as much pain as you are and are trying to make it right. This isn't what you expected is it? _

I sighed and jerked my hood back up, no this isn't what I expected at all. I never even thought I would make it past the gates, let alone be recognized twice and walk away with nothing sort of an all out massacre. I never thought about how my parents death would affect those who had a hand in it.

_ Not exactly the conquers reveling in their victory that you thought they’d be, huh? _

I gritted my teeth and started towards the palace.  This is the last thing I needed right now.

_ You marching right into enemy territory where no one can risk following you might have something to do with it. _

A growl escaped my clenched teeth before I could stop it, how can a disembodied voice sound so damn smug? I shook my head to refocus, I didn’t have time to get distracted. Losing my head wouldn’t get me anywhere. The plan was simple; get in, find Sebastian, get the documents, and get out before the guards come.

_ And you’re still going to confront him, what happened to keeping a level-head? _

“ _ I need those documents _ .” I thought in my defense, never mind that I was arguing with myself.

_ Then why not just sneak in? All you have to do is break into his office. _

_ “How would I know If what I found was what I was looking for? I need to go straight to the source.” _

_ So your plan is to march right up to the ruling monarch and demand answers?! _

“ _ Well when you put it that way. _ ” I grumbled as I avoided a guard patrol, slipping through the crowded main gate and into the palace.

_ You're avoiding the subject. Face it, you just want to kill him. _

I stopped dead in my tracks only to be buffered along by the rest of the crowd.

“ _ So what if I do? _ ” I snarled. “ _ That bastard orphaned me! Why shouldn’t I want him dead?” _

_ Because if he dies by your hand how would that make you any different!? _

I jerked to a stop, just managing to keep my balance as those words ricocheted around in my skull. I leaned against a pillar trying to think past the blood pounding in my ears.

_ Justice, closure, revenge even? No, you want blood. _

_ “I’m NOTHING like him” _

_ Then prove it. _

“ _ Shut-up. _ ” I snapped as I stalked toward the throne room.

I was going to end this.

**And Maker help anyone who got in my way.**


	3. Reunion

_ So glad to see you well, _

_ Overcome and completely silent now, _

_ With heaven's help, _

_ You cast your demons out, _

_ And not to pull your halo down, _

_ Around your neck and tug you off your cloud, _

_ But I'm more than just a little curious, _

_ How you're planning to go about, _

_ Making your amends to the dead. _

_ The Noose, by A Perfect Circle. _

A guard looked me over as I approached. “If you want to get in to petition the Prince you must leave your weapon here.”

I silently handed over Justice with a If-I-get-her-back-damaged-heads-will-roll look and proceeded into the throne room. I stood in the shadow of a pillar and studied the man who orphaned me.

He looked older; he’s was his late 50s now. He looked pretty tired as well, although he hid it well. Keeps a smile on his face while dealing with the petitioners, never letting anything past the calm mask he held in place, holding his feelings at arm’s length so they wouldn't affect his judgement...

Here I was, looking at the man who sentenced them to die, who hunted them across Thedas, who watched my mother bleed out on the cold hard ground after putting an arrow in her chest, and I felt nothing.

Just cold. The kind of cold that seeps into your bones and turns the breath in your lungs to ice, till you are so cold that you can’t feel your pain, your loss, or even your hate. Until it’s all you are.

I stayed in the shadow of the pillar and watched  for a few hours until his adviser finally announced that petitioning was over until tomorrow. The room began to clear and I made my way to the throne as he got up to leave.

I could hear part of their conversation as I got closer.

“-should be in the Chantry, not listening to petitions. You know that today is-”

“Yes I know what today is Your Highness.” His advisor cut in. “I am also well aware of your little tradition of locking yourself in the chantry while you drown yourself in guilt, but you cannot afford that luxury with all of the incoming delegates. We can’t have an absent monarch when-”

"May I have a moment of your time Your Highness?" I interjected as I reached the steps to the throne.

His advisor stepped in before he could answer. "Petitioning is over until next week and for anything else you must request an audience," he said coldly looking down his nose at me. "and remove your hood you are in the presence of royalty."

“Samuel.” Sebastian said, looking menacingly at his advisor.

“I apologize if I have offended. I only wanted to talk to you, It’s been a long time since we last met.” I said looking pointedly at Sebastian.

Samuel looked like he wanted to tell the guards to throw me out but Sebastian put up a hand to stop him, studying me intently.

“You do seem familiar, tell me when did we meet?”

“It was years ago your majesty, 19 years if I remember correctly.” I tilted my head as if I was in deep thought, “19 years to the day in fact,” my eyes flashed to meet his as I spoke.

He blinked, realization flashing across his face. Clearly he remembered. Good, if he hadn't I might have tossed him across the room. 

“You’re-” He didn’t finish, trying to process who stood in front of him as the eyes of his worst enemy stared back at him from under my hood. I was content to wait until he came to terms with my presence, but Samuel wasn't.

“Who are you?” he snapped, clearly disturbed that I was having this effect on the Prince. The guards seemed to share his frame of mind and were moving closer.

“Sienna Hawke.” I said lowering my hood, feeling more than a little smug watching him stumble back in shock. I knew what they were seeing, Aria’s vivid red hair and Anders’ eyes. Aveline always said that I was the spitting image of my mother, there was no doubt who I was now.

Samuel recovered from his shock first.

“Guards! Kill her!”

“Fasta vass!” I growled shifting into a fighting stance, no use trying to avoid a fight when my cover had been blown. Damn them! I didn’t want to fight, not like I had any choice in the matter. “Here we go.” I growled sizing up the guards. It was six to one, they didn’t have a prayer.

“No, don’t!” Sebastian yelled but the first guard had already taken a swing at me with the rest closing in.

I ducked under the sword and let loose a Fade Burst, knocking them all back. While they were picking themselves up off the floor I shifted Beyond the Veil, wrapping myself in in the energies of the Fade. I watched them size me up feeling just a bit smug. You’d think that they’ve never seen a Spirit Warrior before, never mind the fact that they probably hadn’t. I bet the closest thing they knew of is Fenris. Judging from their expressions they’ve heard about what happened to their comrades when he broke out Aria and Anders all those years ago. Not that it mattered, they were given an order to take out a threat and were going to carry it out no matter the cost.

“STOP!” Sebastian moved forward and put himself between me and the guards, much to everyone’s surprise.

“But Your Highness!” The horrified look on Samuel’s face said it all, he was watching me like I was about to tear Sebastian’s heart out.

“I said stop! She came here for a reason and I won't have you driving her away until I know what it is!”

“You killed her mother! What other reason could she have for coming?”

“I want to know where they died.” My voice cut the tension in the room as everyone turned to look at me. “I came to see my parent’s graves, now could you  _ please _ stop looking at me like I’m about to go on a killing spree?” I hadn't relaxed my stance or released the energy around me  but they no longer looked at me like I was going to attack. A few of the guards backed down looking conflicted, clearly they had heard what happened 19 years ago.

Sebastian waved his men back as I released the Fade energies I was holding around me and straightened up.

“Somehow I knew you would come. Thank you for sparing my men, not many would do the same.”

I crossed my arms and schooled my face into a neutral expression. “I didn’t come to fight, I came to talk. I didn’t want to kill them, but I  _ will _ defend myself.” I said shooting Samuel a look, to which he promptly turned up his nose at.

Sebastian nodded at that and looked around at the guards who were still eyeing me apprehensively. “Perhaps we should continue this conversation in private.” he said gesturing towards a door that led off into the palace.

Samuel looked like he wanted to protest but one look from Sebastian stopped him.

“I’m surprised that you would let me anywhere near you without your guards, are you so sure that I won't try to kill you?” I asked once we were alone in the hallway.

"If you only wanted me dead I don't think we would be having this conversation. Besides I have a feeling that I could put the entire royal guard between us and it would make no difference, I don’t want my men throwing their lives away attempting to protect me from you."

Something sparked in the back of my mind. “That’s why you separated us from your guards isn't it? You didn’t want to risk them if I attacked you.”

He glanced at me then looked away not able to meet my eyes for very long. “Your fighting stance was almost identical to the one Fenris used when we were in Kirkwall and you also have the same evasion tactics. If he trained you then my men wouldn’t stand a chance, so I won’t ask them to.”

I closed my eyes briefly and suppressed a groan. He was making this too easy. This isn't supposed to be easy. Spirits help me I just wanted something I could justify hitting.

By then we had reached his study. I walked over to the balcony and leaned on the railing, trying to keep myself steady. I watched the people move about their lives as the moon shone down on them, blissfully unaware of the threat to their ruler.

“Once you know the location of their graves will you kill me?”

I turned to look at him over my shoulder. He was leaning against his desk and glanced away when I turned to look at him, unable to look me in the eye.

I turned back to the cityscape. “I haven’t decided yet.”

I heard papers shuffle behind me as he moved things on his desk “I wouldn’t blame you if you were, I would expect no less after what I did to you.”

I closed my eyes and clenched the railing with both hands, every muscle in my body drawn taut as a bow. As if I needed a reminder about who stood just a few feet away, It took everything I had to keep the tremor out of my voice. “That’s not... I didn’t...” I took a deep breath desperately willing the words to be true.

“I didn’t come here for revenge.” I opened my eyes and pushed away from the ledge.

“Sounds like I’m trying to convince myself doesn't it, but I won’t kill someone out of vengeance. I’ve lost too much to it. I  _ refuse _ lose myself as well.” Years of pain and grief began to resonate through my voice.

“Not after they died for me.”

He glanced up at me, I managed to catch a flash of emotion in his eyes before he looked away again.

“How much do you know?”

“I know that you put an arrow through Aria’s lung and watched her bleed out as she gave her life for me. I know that you stood by while your chief zealot murdered Anders  _ and _ I know that you did nothing when he tried to kill me!” My voice had risen to the point where I was almost shouting. I took a breath trying to steady myself. I had never felt so out of control before. Back in the throne room the constant threat of attack had kept me focused and calm. Now there was nothing left to distract me, nothing left to control my rage. I didn’t like it.

He bowed his head. “I did.” I jerked back in surprise not expecting a complete lack of resistance, my rage temporarily derailed. He wasn't even attempting to defend himself, just accepting my contempt and anger with complete resignation.

_ Just like... _

_ He merely knelt on the floor before the raised throne his eyes fixed upon some point on the tiles. Resigning himself to whatever fate his former companion chose for him. _

_ NO!  _ I forced myself out of the memory.

_ I have to stay focused.  _ I thought.  _ Just stay focused.  _

He sighed, oblivious to my latest flash-back, and looked me in the eyes out of his own volition for the first time. Regret shone clearly in his eyes. “What I did to you has stayed with me since that night. I expect no mercy from you. I gave them none.”

“To Void with the platitudes!” I hissed, my rage stirring again. I was so damn sick of this  self-deprecation routine. “You were my mother’s friend, how could you murder her?!”

His eyes went wide as he gripped the desk to steady himself. After only a second his eyes refocused on me. I shifted back a half step as his gaze became more intense than before, unsure what had caused his reaction.

“You would have no way of knowing, but those are the same words I said to Lady Harimann when I confronted her back in Kirkwall.” he chuckled humorlessly, leaning more heavily on the desk than he had before, as if his realization had stolen his strength. “And now they are said to me.”

I frowned, the name was vaguely familiar. One of the noble families of Kirkwall, they were mentioned in Varric’s book a few times. Apparently Aria killed Lady Harriman because she ...

I sucked in a shocked breath, Oh.

“She sent the Flint Company after your family.” I breathed, mentally kicking myself for not making the connection sooner. “You lost your family, just like I did.”

He nodded. “I didn’t just lose them, I lost myself as well. I had the Flint Company decimated only to discover that they were only a pawn in a much larger plot. After the confrontation with Lady Harimann I swore I would never let myself become that person again.”

Renewed cold fury shot through me with enough strength to leave me breathless. Any sympathy I had for him evaporated with this new information as my nails dug into the leather that covered my palms. When I next spoke it felt like ice had formed on my breath.

“You didn’t just take my parents from me! You tore all those families asunder! And even after you swore to never to be that ruthless and cruel again you turned on your  _ friends _ not even a decade later!”

He bowed his head, taking a deep breath before he met my eyes again. “I can’t change the what I have done, but I can take you to their graves. The guards have a shift change in about five hours, we can leave for then without anyone knowing that we’ve left the palace.”

I crossed my arms and gave him a cold look. “Or know that I’m with you.” With absolutely nothing to stop me.

He straightened up, looking emotionally worn from our conversation. “I’d rather leave without Samuel knowing, and I don’t want a repeat of your first encounter. I doubt he will be as accommodating if he knew our current plans.”

“Unaccommodating? Try outright hostile.” I commented dryly recalling his earlier reaction to me. “I understand not wanting to risk your men, but why in Thedas would you offer to escort someone who wants you dead out to the middle of nowhere?” I dug my nails into my arms to prevent myself from doing something violent and possibly lethal in response to his offer. “If this is a trap I will kill you.”

He didn’t seem surprised or taken back by my renewed hostility. If anything he just seemed saddened by my accusation, that bastard.

“What do you have to lose?”

I stepped away from the balcony, striding towards him until we stood less than a foot from each other and looked him dead in the eye.

“Nothing you haven’t already taken from me.” I replied coldly, watching with satisfaction as he flinched, regret and pain showing clearly in his expression once again. I knew I was rubbing salt in the wound but I couldn’t bring myself to care. He deserved every last bit of my hate, and he knew it.

I broke the silence first, “If we’re to leave unnoticed then you have someplace for me to hide until then?” I asked. Possible trap or not I wasn't about to pass up this opportunity.

He glanced around his study, then towards the door. “You can remain here, the servants have returned to their quarters by now. You won't be disturbed.”

I stepped back and paced the length of the room, studying it. Even if he went back on his word it would be a little difficult for his guards to follow me over the balcony in one piece. “Fine, see you in five hours.” I said dismissively.

_ ‘I just need five minutes to get my emotions back under control’ _ I thought desperately  _ ‘just five min-’ _

“May I ask you a question first?” he asked as I jerked to a halt mid step.

_ ‘Vishante kaffar! Does he have a death wish?’  _ I ground my teeth, trying to keep a civil tone with my parent’s killer. “Yes?” 

“What do you know about your father?”

Something in me snapped, he  _ dared _ to ask me that. Yes Anders had done something terrible when he destroyed the Chantry but so had Sebastian when he killed Aria. I spun around and was across the room in under a second giving him no time to react as I grabbed the front of his armor and slammed him into the wall.

His eyes had gone wide when I grabbed him, but now he watched me guardedly. Like I was a wild animal waiting for the slightest bit of fear or weakness to strike, and maybe I was. I was far from caring. If he wanted my opinion of my father then that’s exactly what he’ll get.

“My father fought his demons, fought for control until Justice was too much for him and then he did everything he could to protect my mother from the blowback.” I hissed.

“You never once tried to fight the monster that Lady Harimann raised within you.”

He reacted as if I had struck him. It might have been petty but I couldn’t help the surge of satisfaction that shot through me at his pain.

“I know what he did. I know how many people died in the Battle of Kirkwall, the massacre he started. I know many died in the Mage-Templar war, but I have always loved him. He had the strength to give his newborn daughter to his oldest rival and never left my mother’s side, even if it meant he had to leave me. He died so I could be free, so we could all be free. He fought for a world where children like me could grow up without being taken from their mothers. To be able to live as a  _ family  _ and not as ‘property of the Chantry’. To live  _ free _ .”

I stepped back and shoved him towards the door. He didn’t even stumble, just took a couple steps back.

“And I’m proud to be his daughter.”

He didn’t respond, just studied me as I fought the impulse to strangle him. I finally got sick of the staring contest and turned away, pacing back towards the balcony. I would’ve thought he left if not for the absence of the sound of a closing door. When he next spoke it was barely more than a whisper.

“And the world shook before her...”

I jolted in shock, spinning to face him only to find an empty door.

_ What?  _ I thought wildly, trying to make sense of my whirling thoughts. 

What in the Void did he mean by  _ that _ ? That I’m just like my mother? That I’m a threat?

I glanced at the night sky, absently taking in the moon’s position. I’d probably only gotten six hour sleep in the last two days. “Five hour till guard rotation.” I sighed and rubbed the back of my neck, exhaustion setting in. “Might as well meditate.”

I finished checking the room and moved to a small alcove out of sight of the door and sat cross legged. Closing my eyes I pulled energy from across The Veil to me, gathering it into an orb of light blue energy that hung suspended over my lap. I slipped into meditation, allowing the energy to restore my stamina while staying aware of my surroundings. Sleeping was too dangerous right now, allowing myself to drift back in the archives was reckless. The Fade is far more dangerous to me than to Mages.

If I sleep, I may never wake up again.


	4. Complication

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is where things get complicated...

_ Leave it behind _

_ Hearing your silence _

_ It screams our goodbye _

_ Cannot believe it's an eye for an eye _

_ Life has gone to waste _

_ Angels have faith _

_ I don't want to be a part of his sin _

_ I don't want to get lost in his world _

_ I'm not playing this game _

_ Within Temptation, A Demon’s Fate. _

I sensed Sebastian coming long before I heard the door creak as it swung open, I glanced up from the book I had picked off the shelf to pass the time.

“Ready to go?”

I closed the book with a decisive snap in response before following him out the door.

My greatsword, Justice, was leaning against the wall opposite of me. I shot Sebastian a questioning look.

“You’re giving me my sword back?”

He didn’t seem troubled by handing his potential killer a weapon. “It saves us the trouble of having to go all the way to the main guard post on our way to the stables.”

The main guard post was on the opposite side of the castle from the stables. Lack of survival instincts aside, I couldn’t find fault in his logic.

I tightened the sheath strap around my chest and followed him through the labyrinth of hallways that made up the Starkhaven royal palace.

We had been walking in a tense silence for about five minutes before the sound of hurried footsteps reached my ears. I was just about to reach for my sword but froze when I heard a voice call out.

“Father!”

Sebastian froze briefly before turning in the direction that the voice had come.

“Maria?”

My mind stuttered to a halt as it registered the panting young woman in leather armour who had run up to us. She was petite, and had her short auburn hair pulled back into a ponytail. She also had a grin plastered across her face, and despite her obvious tiredness her eyes were clear and bright.

Her  _ blue  _ eyes. The same color, the same shape, absolutely identical to…

Recognition slammed into me like a raging Ogre. He… he had a daughter. This was his daughter.

“Maria, what are you doing here? You weren't due to be back for another week.”

“Negotiating a new trade agreement with Orlais didn’t take as long as I thought it would, and besides I couldn’t leave you to deal with all those delegates  _ and  _ Samuel all by yourself.”

She turned to me as if she had just realised my presence, her speech suddenly turning formal.

“Oh, my apologies Father. I didn’t realize that you had business at this time of night, I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

“Not at all my Lady.” I answered bowing my head, nineteen years of manners drilled into me by Aveline kicking into gear as I valiantly tried to ignore the unease growing in the pit of my stomach. “I was just delivering a message from my employer and The Prince was kind enough to offer to escort me to the stables.” 

“I see, so that’s what Samuel’s grinding his teeth about.”

“Samuel?” Sebastian asked in surprise “I thought he would have retired by now.”

She shook her head “He came out to greet me at the palace gates, and said that I should ‘talk you out of your latest bout of repentant recklessness before you got yourself killed’ clearly he hasn't lost his disdain for your hands-on approach to ruling.”

She didn't recognize me. She believed that I was a courier who her father had agreed to see against the recommendation of his stuck-up advisor. Warm relief flooded through me. Sebastian hadn't tried to alert her either, he probably wanted to keep her out of this like he did with his men in the throne room.

He didn’t want her to know who I was so she wouldn’t try to stop me when I killed him.

The warmth I had felt only seconds earlier had swept away faster than it had come, leaving me colder than I had been upon first seeing Sebastian. Only this time it wasn't out of rage and anger, but out of a numbness.

_ I’m here to kill her father. _

The thought almost took my legs out from under me. My years of training with Fenris was the only thing keeping my legs steady and my face blank.

This whole time I had such conviction. It was just the two of us. The last players from that field. A debt that could only be settled with blood. His, as I took his life in payment for robbing me of the chance to ever know my parents. Or mine, as his guard struck me down in my pursuit of closure.

I said earlier that I didn’t want to seek mindless vengeance, and I don’t, but that doesn't change the fact that I want to kill him. I want to wrap my hands around his neck and feel the bones snap. I want him to suffer, to burn, to pay for what he did with every fiber in my being, every fiber that my parents fought and died for.

I couldn't see this ending any other way, and I had no doubt that Sebastian was aware of that as well.

Only now, it’s not just the two of us. Now there’s another player on that field, completely unaware of the danger. An innocent bystander, just like I was.

For the first time since I had arrived I felt my conviction truly waver.

_ What am I doing here? _

Sebastian and Maria continued their conversation unaware of my inner turmoil.

“Samuel never has been fond of me personally dealing with couriers, but i’m afraid that he might try something drastic if he learns that she’s departing with my response in secret. Can you make sure that he remains ignorant until I have a chance to deal with him?”

“Easily, I have to go over the new trade agreement with him anyway. I think that he’ll appreciate my promptness. He always has made a point not to put off till tomorrow what you could do today.”

“Good, that should keep him busy until I can see her to safety. I’m sorry to ask this of you just after you got back.”

“It’s no trouble Father, you know I’d never turn down an opportunity to knock him off his high horse.” She responds with a slight smirk before standing on her toes to give him a kiss on the cheek, having to compensate for their half a head height difference.

“Just be careful out there, you’re not as young as you use to be.”

“So you keep telling me, but I have yet to see any evidence to the fact.”

“You want evidence? I’ll prove it to you at the archery tournament next week when I beat your record.”

“So that’s why you’re back so early, I knew you didn’t hurry back  _ just _ to help me keep a lid on Samuel.”

She grinned, “Guilty as charged. Well, no matter I have an advisor to waylay.”

She turned to me, the soft smile adorning her features sliced into my heart. “Best of luck on your journey swordswoman.”

Then she was gone. Disappearing around a corner back into the labyrinth as my eyes attempted to bore through the stone wall, completely unwilling to meet Sebastian's gaze that was similarly trying to carve its way through the back of my head.

“How old is she?”

If Sebastian was surprised by my question he didn’t show it.

“Seventeen.”

I closed my eyes and took a breath, but before I could voice a more pressing question he spoke.

“Please… please just leave her out of this.”

My eyes snapped open as I spun to face him in shock.

He thought that I was going to... That I would even  _ consider _ ... How could he think-

_ Why not? _

Time slowed to a standstill as a voice that sounded suspiciously like Fenris’ reverberated through my skull.

_ He hunted your parents across Thedas to seek revenge for the destruction of the Kirkwall Chantry. You came to his city, into his  _ home _ to make him pay for their deaths. He condemned your mother to the  _ Right of Tranquility _ because she loved your father. How can you expect him to assume that you wouldn’t kill his daughter when he already knows how this story plays out? _

How could I expect… No, how could I have been so naive? He has every reason to fear for his daughter’s life. An assailant sparing his guards is one thing but that’s not the same as sparing his own flesh and blood. He has no reason not to think that I wouldn’t try to kill Maria on principle, just like he killed Aria.

But still.

“I would  _ never _ kill a innocent for the sins of another.” I spat. My hands shook as I clenched my fists, desperate to refuel my rage. The rest of that statement hung unsaid in the air, silently echoing about the passageway.

_ Not like you,  _ never  _ like you. _

Sebastian winced at my words before nodding. An undisputable aura of relief radiated off of him. Leaching the anger from me in seconds, leaving me cold and empty once again.

Only this time I felt an all too familiar roar sound in the back of my mind in protest of my wavering conviction. Damn it all. He had been silent since the start of my journey but now he was waking up.

I gritted my teeth and slammed my mental discipline back into place. Forcing my mind back to the task at hand. I didn’t have the emotional stability to deal with him right now.

“We need to keep moving or we’re going to miss our window of opportunity.” I said motioning for him to lead the way. Eager to leave this place and my stubborn emotions behind.

“Yes, of course.” He agreed, continuing down the passageway.

Thankfully the rest of our journey was uneventful. When we finally reached the stables Sebastian led out two horses that he had had readied for us while we had been waiting for the guards to change shifts.

It didn’t take long for us to clear the sentries stationed about palace grounds and be on our way.  Flying through the tall grasses, the moonlight illuminating our path through the countryside.

It would take us an hour to reach the graves. An hour for me to wrestle with the maelstrom of thoughts whipping around in my head. An hour to choose between life and death, to make a decision that will most likely end in blood.

I tightened my grip on the reins and steeled my resolve. I had come to far not to see this through to the end.

_ There’s no turning back. _


	5. Rage

_ Crawling from hell, fallen from grace, _

_ There's nothing left for you to take _

_ Driving the nail through my mistakes _

_ So we can reincarnate. _

_ Reincarnate, Motionless in white. _

Sebastian's POV

Sebastian had imagined Sienna’s arrival many times, but he never could have imagined how much seeing her again would affect him. You never realize how desensitized you can become to your past until you’re forced to stare into the eyes of those you’ve wronged, and feel like you might as well be looking into a mirror.

He had known a similar all consuming aura of hate many times over. He had felt it etch itself into his very being after his family had been murdered. He’d seen it in Anders’ eyes when he destroyed the Kirkwall chantry. He’d seen it when Fenris tore out Danarius’ heart. And now Sebastian sees it once again when Aria’s daughter looks at him.

She looks just like Aria, but she has Anders’ eyes in more ways than one. When Samuel had ordered the guards to attack her, it wasn't the familiar fighting style that prompted him to put himself between her and his men.

It had been the unmistakable flash of blue fire in her eyes that had finally woken him up.

The spirit that had possessed Anders now resides within Sienna. She may not even be aware of it’s presence.

Sebastian never could have imagined that Justice would have been able to transfer to another host upon Anders’ death. Let alone an innocent child.

He glances over at the young woman riding beside him. Her white knuckled grip on the reins and hunched shoulders was a far cry from the violent uncompromising spirit that lurked within. Sienna’s eyes stayed locked onto the horizon, her expression almost pained.

She truly was conflicted, and that was all the evidence that he needed to know that Justice wasn't calling the shots. When Anders had been possessed his conviction and purpose never once wavered. The thought of a body count never gave him pause, it never gave Sebastian pause either. The only thing that had mattered to either of them was getting revenge, and anyone who tried to stand in their way was just another enemy to be dealt with accordingly.

But Sienna... She didn't cut down every obstacle that stood in her way. She could have killed him right there in the throne room, instead she introduced herself. She could have eliminated his personal guard with ease, but when attacked she only stunned her assailants in self-defense. She could have cut down his daughter right in front of him, but when he begged her to spare Maria he could see that she was revolted at the very thought of taking an innocent life.

Maria... Sebastian sighs, there was so much that he didn't get a chance to tell her, so many milestones that he'll never see her achieve, and now it was too late. The odds that he’d ever see her again… not even Varric would bet on them.

_ "Is this what Anders and Aria felt when they realized that they'd never again be a part of their daughter's life?" _

The thought makes his shoulders sag. He could still hear them begging for their daughter’s life, he could still see Aria trading her life for Sienna’s without a second thought.

He would never forget how thoughtlessly cruel he had been. How his blind rage and sense of righteousness lead to their deaths. How he placed Sienna, an innocent child, on this path of hate and violence.

_ "Maker forgive me, for I'll never be able to forgive myself." _

Sienna’s POV

We’re finally here, I can feel it.

We came to a stop on the remains, a side road, now abandoned and overgrown but still visible even in the moonlight.

Alien images began to flit through my mind at the familiar surroundings. A sense of freedom and hope, a full moon setting over head. The calm waves of the tall grass broken by with a flurry of swords and shields.

Blood suspended in the moonlight.  _ Aria! _

“Sienna?”

My head snaps up in surprise, Sebastian is watching me with a look of concern on his face. One hand outstretched towards me like he had reached to touch my shoulder but thought better of it.

“I’m fine.” I say as I dismount, trying to get a grip.

_ I’m not seeing Fenris’ memories again.  _ I realise numbly as I watch shadowy figures recreate the murder from years ago.  _ I’m seeing echos from the Fade. _

“I can see them.” I whisper taking a hesitant step towards the ground where I was born and orphaned. The veil is weak here, the result of cold blooded murder. Mages and Spirit warriors can see these echos with the correct training or circumstances.

My hands are shaking as more images assault my senses. The twang of a bowstring, my mother falls to the ground. A flash of a sword, my father loses his head. The glow of lyrium markings, the knight-commander’s heart is torn out. Spectors flit around me, fighting, screaming, dying.

“Sienna!”

Sebastian’s voice pulls me out of my trance for the second time. My eyes snap shut, my nails digging into my scalp as I desperately try to block out their voices. Strong hands grip my shoulders, pulling me away from the echos of death and blood. “What are you seeing?”

“They’re dying.” I whisper “They keep dying, over and over.”

I hear his sharp intake of breath, “You’re seeing echoes from the fade.”

I nod, taking slow deep breaths trying to calm myself.

“I’m so sorry, I can only imagine how painful it is to see that.”

“It’s not the first time I’ve seen it.” I say as I extract myself from his grip.

“You… you’ve seen this before?” Sebastian asks, his look of alarm is soon replaced with confusion. “How?”

“I- I was on a job with Fenris” I say trying to focus on anything but the wailing spectators behind me. “To rescue some nobleman's son from this blood mage cult. We had almost finished eliminating them but then, their leader she...” I grimace, a ghostly baby’s cry and a soft prayer reaches my ears.

“She was trying to cast a spell, she said it would make us relive our worst nightmares, but Fenris cut her down before she could finish the incantation and the magic was released at random, hitting the closest target from the caster; Fenris. Then, I- I saw them. I watched them as they were dragged through the streets. I watched as you sentenced my father to death and my mother ...”

I dug my nails into my arms as my body starts to tremble. “I watched you sentence my mother to the rite of tranquility. I saw how you let them escape only to be caught in another trap.”

I close my eyes. My voice begins to shake.

“And then you, you…”

I will not become a monster, I will not lose control.

_ “-In the Maker’s name I shall bring these filthy maleficarum to justice. Neither shall live to see the sun crest the horizon!” _

I’m not a monster, I won’t lose control.

_ “No! You can’t do this! What of my child? You would not take an innocent life; it goes against everything the Chantry stands for!” _

You’re not a monster, stay in control.

_ “May you find peace in the Void, for that is where a maleficar such as you truly belongs.” _

Not a monster, control.

_ “NO!” _

Monster.

_ “ARIA!” _

Murder.

_ “Our baby… Sienna… Love you both… so much…” _

Never again.

_ “I won’t let that happen! You’ll never touch my daughter! She will always be safe from you!” _

Stop Him!

Vengeance's roar of triumph flooded my mind, my eyes flew open.

“You killed her!” I scream, lunging for his throat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *scrambles away from incoming tomatoes, knives, and flaming knickers* Yes I know it's a cliffhanger, I'm sorry please don't hate me!


	6. Closure

_ Crawling from hell, fallen from grace, _

_ And now there's nothing left to take. _

_ Leaving the past to the grave _

_ So we can reincarnate. _

_ Reincarnate, Motionless in white. _

 

_ Vengeance's roar of triumph flooded my mind, my eyes flew open. _

_ “You killed her!” I scream, lunging for his throat. _

My fingers sink into the collar of his cape as my knee drives into his stomach. His eyes go wide with shock and pain as he doubles over. My hand clenches into a fist, any hesitation I had long gone. His head snaps back with the force of my punch and he instinctively takes a step back trying to reclaim his balance. I don’t give him the chance.

Without releasing my hold on his collar I step behind him and pull him across my body which sends both of us to the ground. On landing I drive my knee into his ribs and feel a satisfying crack.

My hands close around his throat.

I can kill him, I can end all of this right now. I don’t need a sword, It would only take a few more pound of pressure to break his neck. My fingers begin to tighten. I could crush his windpipe in an instant, there's nothing to stop me.

Die you-

_ Sienna Stop! _

The shout hits me like a slap. I release my grip around his throat and stumble back, the world blurring before my eyes.

_ I'm not standing over Sebastian anymore, it's someone else. He's badly beaten, his chest caved in from a single blow. Barely alive, fighting for breath through flooded lungs. The skin on his chest is burnt and blue embers still smolder around the edges of the wound. _

_ I look down at the blood dripping from my hands, mingling with blue flames. _

_ Oh no. _

_ Strong lyrium lined arms jerk me back, restraining me. _

_ Aveline kneels down next to her son's battered body, her voice frantic as she begs him to answer her as Donnic desperately tries to stop the bleeding. _

_ No. _

_ Vengeance roars his approval from behind my eyes. _

_ I didn’t mean to... _

_ Fenris' shocked voice rings in my ears. "Sienna, what have you done?" _

_ Anything I might have said was cut off by one final broken gasp for air. _

_ His eyes fluttered shut. _

_ No. _

_ I broke out of Fenris' grip and lung forward with a scream. _

_ “No!” _

My knees hit dirt.

"Damien!" I gasp, " Damien, I'm so sorry."

Sebastian’s POV

_ I’m still alive. _

Sebastian’s mind is reeling, one moment everything is going dark and he’s certain his life is over. The next he’s gasping like a dying fish with one thought ringing through his dazed mind.

_ Why didn’t she kill me? _

His vision clears and he struggles to sit up. Just able to make out her kneeling form several feet away as a broken gasp reaches his ears.

"Damien, I'm so sorry."

_ Damien?  _ The name isn't familiar, who is she talking to?

He winces as he sits up. She didn't pull her punches, at least two of his ribs are broken.

He gingerly prods his now swelling eye before focusing on Sienna’s now shaking form trying to determine what happened. Her eyes are unfocused, like she’s a million miles away.

_ Did she have another flashback? _

Her fist slams into the ground jerking him out of his thoughts. “Venhedis! How could I lose control  _ again _ !”

_ Again?  _ He thought with slight alarm. Had she attacked someone else? "What do you mean by 'again?'"

Her head snaps up in surprise. Her eyes meet his only to grow wide as she took in his injuries.

“Damn it all.” She whispers under her breath as she rakes a hand through her hair, shame coloring her features. “I’m sorry.”

Sebastian can’t help but flinch at her words, the idea that she would feel the need to apologise to him for any reason made his stomach churn.

“You have nothing to apologise for.” He says shifting so he’s sitting across from her, missing the way her eyes dart to his now broken ribs when he winces at the pain. “This is the least of of what I deserve, it’s alright.”

She shook her head. “No, no it’s not.” she says and reaches out to touch his now black eye.

Before Sebastian can respond an unmistakeable blue glow envelops her hand and the pain in his right eye begins to leach away.

_ She's... Healing me? _ He realizes in shock as his sight returns.

Sienna turns her attention to his ribs, the blue glow that encompases her hands glows brighter and he feels the telltale pop of his bones snapping back into place.

Sebastian's mind is awhirl with questions, but one pushes its way to the surface.

“Why would you heal me after everything I’ve done to you?”

She doesn't respond immediately, instead she elects to push the hair that managed to escape it’s braid behind her ears before answering.

“Because I couldn't stand watching another person suffer because of me.”

Something clicks in his head.  _ Another person? Wait a minute. _

“Do you mean Damien?”

Her head snaps up and the blood drains from her face. “How do you know that name?! How did-” Her voice cuts off and she drops her face into her hands. “I said his name out loud earlier didn’t I.”

Sebastian nods, worried about her panicked reaction to his question. What could've happened between them to make her react like that?

“Who is he?”

She takes a deep breath before letting it out slow.

“Damien is my brother, and six days ago I almost killed him.”

Sebastian felt like the ground had been pulled from under him.  _ A brother? She has a brother? _

She couldn’t have a biological brother, could she?

_ Yes she could _ , he realizes. Anders and Aria would never have given away the existence of a second child in order to protect them from his wrath. It was completely possible for Sienna to have a sibling.

“You- you have a brother?”

Her eyes bore into his and he knew that she understood what he was really asking. The question that he couldn’t bring himself to voice.

_ Did I orphan another child? _

“He’s my adoptive brother.” She responds carefully. “Aveline and Donnic’s son.”

Relief swept through him at the knowledge that he didn’t have to add yet another life to his already heavy conscious only to stop short as he remembers the rest of her words.

“You said that you almost killed him.”

Sienna twists her fingers together as she responds. “Six days ago Damien confronted me about my… well, about my past behavior. he said that I needed to stop shutting everyone out and that I was becoming obsessed with the past. I told him that he didn’t know what he was talking about and to leave me alone. But as I was walking away he yelled that I was throwing away their sacrifice by refusing to let go of the past and move on with my life!”

She takes a deep breath, her fingers tightening around each other to the point where he’s sure that he can hear the bones creak.

“And I… I just lost it. I attacked him, a full powered fade burst straight to his chest. I don’t even want to think of what else would have happened if Fenris hadn't stopped me, but then Damien stopped breathing. I was watching him die right in front of me and I couldn’t just stand there I had to do something.”

That was a feeling that Sebastian knew well, watching someone die because of your actions can tear you apart in ways that you could never expect.

“At the time I didn’t know I could heal, I just poured every ounce of fade energy I could summon into him in desperation. It took everything out of me and I collapsed immediately after. When I woke up Fenris told me that Damien was still alive, I had managed to repair the worst of his injuries but he still hadn't woken up, we don’t know if he’ll ever wake up”

She takes another shaky breath. “I was gone the second everyone fell asleep, I left a note and didn’t look back. Before I thought that I could live without closure, that if I just kept pushing the memories down and believing that confronting the past wouldn’t do any good I could live the life that they wanted for me. That ideology became obsolete the second I lost control. Locking away all of these emotions, running away from myself, isn't just hurting me it’s turning me against the people I care about. I refuse to let that happen.”

“And before you ask if it was really Vengeance who attacked him let me make this clear; it wasn't Vengeance who almost killed Damien, it was me. I wasn't trapped in my head watching it all in horror unable to control my limbs. I was in full control of myself. I knew exactly what I was doing, who I was hurting and I didn’t care.

“After I woke up I knew I couldn’t go on shutting everything away until it boils over and I hurt someone else. I couldn’t keep running, I had to face my past. So I came here, to find closure or die trying.”

Sebastian closed his eyes. He had suspected that something might have triggered her decision to come here but this… Closure is the least that she deserves.

Wordlessly he rises to his feet before extending his hand and helping her to her feet.

“Then this is long overdue.” He says turning to face the far edge of the clearing, feeling her hand tightening around his as she spots a stone marker that had been carefully placed away from the main path.

“Is that?” she asks shakily, unable to look away from the grave she had traveled so far and risked so much to find.

“Yes,” he replies, tightening his grip around her hand as he feels her begin to shake “you’re almost there.”

Sebastian’s sure he can feel her heart skip a beat as she forces herself to take that first step, like it was all she could do to keep putting one foot in front of the other until she was less than a foot away.

Her hand wrenched itself out of his as her knees hit the ground. She tentatively reached out a hand to trace the words engraved into the marble.

The grave itself wasn't extraordinary, just a simple marble slab designed to blend in with it’s surroundings. Nothing like the statue kept at the Mage-Templar war memorial in Orlais. It was the words engraved in the stone that held significance.

Here lies Aria and Anders.

We demanded so much,

and they bore it all with stoic grace.

May the champions rest in peace.

Her breath hitches as her shoulders begin to shake, for the first time since she arrived in Starkhaven tears begin to fall.

“I found you… I finally found you.” She whispers as she presses one hand to the grave and places the other hand over her heart as if she could somehow convey to them that she had survived that terrible night 19 years ago. That their sacrifices weren't in vain.

For the longest time Sienna just sat in silence, retracing the words and murmuring all the things she desperately wanted to share with them ever since she was a child. Her whispering occasionally broken by fresh tears and sobs.

Sebastian, standing just a few feet away, watches her with with an aura of regret he hadn't felt in years.

_ ‘Death is never justice.’ If I had only taken your words to heart, I could have saved her so much grief. Maker forgive me. _

A broken whisper pulled him out of his trance. “Sebastian?”

He glances up to see that Sienna had turned away from the grave and was watching him. For the first time since she had approached him there was no hate in her tearstained eyes.

“Thank you, for bring me here.”

He’s sure the surprise shows on his face at her words. After everything he put her through she thanks him. “It’s the least I could do… and I know that this might not mean anything to you, but I’m sorry.”

Her eyes narrow. “Of course you are, everyone’s sorry.” She mutters bitterly as the rage reappears in her eyes.

“Damn it!” Her fist slams into the ground once again. “Why can’t you be a mindless zealot who shows no remorse for killing them?! Why can’t you be the nameless, faceless terror I had imagined as a child?” She demands, brown eyes ablaze, her hands shaking by her sides.

Her rigid posture suddenly slumps in defeat.

“Why can't this be black and white? Why can’t you just be a monster?” A broken sob chokes off her words as her tears begin to spill over once again. Her whole body begins to shake. She's falling apart right in front of him.

“I don’t… I don’t know what to do.” His heart broke as he watches what's left of her discipline shatter.

Blue fire ignites in her eyes.

“Why did you have to kill them!? They were just trying to rebuild their lives! To leave their past behind them! How could you think that killing them would make anything right!?”

“Why did you do this to me? Why did you damn me to be consumed by this empty hate that’s tearing me apart!?”

The next words out of her mouth almost drove him to his knees.

“Why did you have to turn me into a monster too?”

The following silence was far more deafening than her outburst, Sienna rakes her hands through the grass in frustration at her loss of control. It takes Sebastian a few moments to find his voice.

“You truly think you are a monster?” He asks in disbelief.

Her gaze snaps to his, the blue fire disappearing in surprise leaving only resignation.

"Aren't I?" Maker save him she sounds so tired.

He lowers himself onto the grass besides her and cautiously rests a hand on her shoulder.

“You are the furthest thing from a monster I have ever met. To you the ends don't justify the means, you refuse to leave a trail of bodies in your wake."

Fresh tears begin to fall at his words. “But I want to.” She whispers, “From the second I entered the city I kept telling myself that I didn't want to hurt the people who got in my way. I made myself calm, I didn’t attack the guards, and it still took everything I had not to kill you on sight. Don’t you understand? I want to kill you, there’s nothing left in you of the monster who killed my parents and I still want to kill you! What does that make me other than a monster?”

“It makes you human. The person I was never questioned himself, never doubted his cause until it was too late. That’s the difference between a human and a monster. A monster never asks if what they have done is right, they have no control. You never stopped asking yourself ‘is this the right thing to do?’”

A rueful simile begins to break across her features. “It’s that simple, is it?”

“It can, if you let it be.”

She closes her eyes, “Make it simple.” She murmurs rising to her feet with Sebastian following suit.

“Sienna?” He asks carefully, he didn’t think she was talking about being a monster anymore.

“Every-time I got into a situation that I didn’t know how to handle Fenris would always tell me to ‘Make it simple.’ That if I could break down a problem I would be able to solve it.”

She ran a hand through her hair with a sigh. “Easier said than done when a life is on the line.”

_ This is it  _ Sebastian realizes, his anticipation mounting.  _ The next words out of her mouth might very well be my death sentence. _

“You murdered my parents in cold blood, all the guilt and remorse in the world won't change that." She lets out another sigh, “That being said killing you won't change that either.”

“What are you saying?” Sebastian asks.

Sienna closes her eyes and takes a deep breath before letting it out carefully.

“I’m not saying that I forgive you, but I won’t kill you.”

The shock and relief barely manages to flood his being before Sienna cries out and doubles over in pain.

“Sienna!” He calls out her name, watching helplessly as blue fissures of energy open across her skin.

Her knees hit the ground as she clutches her head. “Vengeance! I can’t control… hn-agh! Stop! Stop this! I… I can’t hold him back! I…gah-  Run! you have to- AHHHHH!”

A scream rips from her throat as the blue fire pulls away and a shadowy figure begins to form above her.

It was like someone had taken a suit of templar armor and twisted it until it resembled a darkspawn Shriek. It’s eyes glow with a bright blue ferocity that rivals most rage demons. It’s mouth opens to reveal nothing but an assortment of twisted metal for teeth at it lets out a shriek of rage.

_ This is Vengeance?! _ The twisted mindless creature before him was a far cry from the spirit that had inhabited Anders all those years ago. 

Without warning Vengeance lunges for him, claws raised.

“NO!”

Sienna dives forward into the spirit's path.

The attack catches her across her right shoulder, sending up a spray of blood as she’s thrown back.

Sebastian manages to catch her before she hits the ground, blood all but pouring from her wounds.

“Sienna!”

Sienna’s POV

Pain explodes across my chest. His claws cut straight through my vest like it was nothing. Slicing clean to the bone.

My left hand flies to the wound, desperately summoning the power to stop the bleeding while my right hand hangs limply. Unable to move with the muscles in my shoulder severed.

“Sienna!”

Sebastian’s arms surround me, holding me.  _ He must of caught me as I collapsed.  _ I think sluggishly.

_ SHRIEEEEEKKK! _ It takes all the strength I have to lift my head at the panicked metallic screech. Vengeance hovers just a few feet away reaching for me, all but hysterical about my injury.

“Vengeance” I whisper, drawing his attention.

“No more death, not for me.” I gasp out as I begin to knit my muscles back together.

Vengeance comes closer and tentatively lays a clawed hand on top of mine. A pitiful creaking sound erupts from his mouth.

“It’s ok, i’ll be fine.” I say carefully lifting my now slightly mobile right hand to the side of his face. “Rest now, you won’t be able to project yourself for much longer.”

Vengeance gives out a screech of agreement and dives back into me, fading back into the corners of my mind.

With Vengeance back where he belongs I begin to take stock of my injuries. Three long deep cuts reaching from the top of my shoulder to right above my chest. He had just missed my jugular and had thankfully missed my lung. I was lucky, a few centimeters in either direction and I could have bled out faster than I could heal.

A careful hand brushes the hair out of my face as I finish closing the wounds. I release the healing energy and I let my head fall back against his shoulder and close my eyes. I’m exhausted both mentally and physically, not to mention emotionally. It’s been a trying day to say the least

_ But it’s finally over  _ I think as I open my eyes.

Sebastian is watching me with an expression I can only describe as a cross between awestruck, pensive, and remorse.

I raise an eyebrow. “If you’re done staring at me I would appreciate a hand up.”

He snaps out of his thoughts, surprise echos across his features at the humor in my tone. “Of course.” He says carefully helping me to my feet and steadying me as my adrenaline rush finally dissipates and my limbs begin to shake.

“You not only spared my life, you saved it. I know it’s not enough, but thank you.” Sebastian says.

“You don’t owe me anything, I swore that I would never let Vengeance hurt anyone again.” I say rolling my shoulder to see if it healed properly.

“Nevertheless, I know Starkhaven may be the last place you’d ever want to return to, but if you're in need of assistance know that you are always welcome.”

I can’t help the smile that blooms onto my face, I may never forgive him for what he’s done but the fact that he’s willing to try to make amends speaks volumes.

“I hope I don’t have to take you up on that, I tend to attract trouble at an alarming rate.”

He laughs at that. “Like mother like daughter I see.” He says shaking his head fondly. “What are you planning to do now?”

“Fenris followed me, I managed to enter Starkhaven before he could catch me but I’ll bet anything that if he doesn't hear anything from me soon he’ll enter the city to look for me. I need to meet up with him before that happens.”

“You’ll need to hurry then, Fenris was never known for his patience.”

“True,” I glance up at the sky, taking in the position of the stars. It was almost dawn, how long has it been since we left the palace? More than a few hours at least, I need to leave soon if I want to reach Rainsfeild, one of the outlying towns, before noon.

“Do you need a horse?”

“No, I’ll be able to make it on foot just fine. Besides, it would be suspicious if one of your horses just disappeared.” I say as I raise my hood before turning back to face him.

“Thank you, for everything.” I say before taking off along the path away from Starkhaven, putting as much distance as possible between myself my past with every step.

Sebastian’s POV

He watches her take off along the path, the same path she had traveled when she was less than an hour old. Leaving the past to rest and heading straight for her future, with the same determination he had seen in the face of a Ferelden refugee all those years ago.

“Always a pleasure Hawke.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This hurt my heart to write, but she finally found them! *Sinff* Welp off to find Fenris:) Hint: He's not too thrilled with her running off like that.


	7. Lull

_ And if you're still bleeding, you're the lucky ones. _ _   
_ _ 'Cause most of our feelings, they are dead and they are gone. _ _   
_ _ We're setting fire to our insides for fun. _ _   
_ _ Collecting pictures from a flood that wrecked our home, _ _   
_ _ It was a flood that wrecked this home. _ _   
_ __ Youth, Daughter

I finally reach Rainsfeild just before the sun reaches it’s peak. It’s not a large town, just a small trading post as well as watering hole for caravans and travelers. A place where it doesn't matter who you are you can easily blend in and get lost in the crowd. I left my horse at the stables early yesterday morning before setting out to Starkhaven.

I slip into town and wind my way through the busy market place, keeping to the shadows before ducking off the main path to cut through the alleys to the stables. I’ll have to return to pick up supplies for the trip back once I reclaim the rest of my gear and money from my saddlebags, It’s a week’s journey back home and still have to-

A hand shoots out of the darkness and yanks me into the darkened alley. I break out of the grip only to have an arm wrap around my neck, jerking me back and keeping me off balance. My hand pulls down on the arm choking me as my other hand unsheaths the dagger from my bracer. I drive the dagger back to strike at my assailant's side only to be disarmed as the dagger phases through my hand and my arm is twisted behind my back.

“You are without a doubt the most reckless, stubborn, frustrating being I have ever had the misfortune to encounter.

I can’t hold back my grin at the familiar baritone, I  _ missed _ him. “It’s good to see you to Fenris.”

The arms release me and I turn to face him. My grin widening at the familiar frown on his face, visible even under the shadow of his hood.

He hands back my dagger. “You should have kept to the main path, It would have been much harder to ambush you in the crowds.”

“You would have found a way.” I say wrapping my arms around him in a hug, breathing in the familiar smell of metal, leather, and elfroot. “You always do.”

To my surprise I feel his arms wrap around me in return. “When I found your note I thought-” His voice cuts off and the arms encircling me tighten. “Don’t you dare put me through that again.” He growls.

I drop my head to  his shoulder wishing I could stomp down my rising guilt. “I know it was reckless, I just… I had to do this alone.”

He pulls back, eyes sweeping over me, assessing my dirt covered and tried state before zeroing in on the front of my armor. I glance down and swear under my breath. There’s flecks of blood spattered intermittently across the front of my leather vest and more on my gloves from when I attacked Sebastian. It’s not enough blood to attract attention, but it’s more than enough to put Fenris on edge.

“That blood’s only a few hours old.” His gaze hardens. “What have you-”

The sounds of a passing Starkhaven patrol cuts him off and we both retreat further into the shadows, this isn't the place to be discussing regicide.

Wordlessly we make our way through the darkened alleys, keeping out of sight of the main roads until the only thing between us and the stables is a crowded town square.

“I’ll grab my horse and meet you in the forest to the west of town.” I say stepping out of the shadows only to be pulled back.

“You really think that I’d let you out of my sight?” Fenris growls, “For any reason?”

I almost forgot how protective he could be, I should have known me running off in the middle of the night would bring back this side of him with a vengeance.

I pull his hand off my shoulder. “You're going to have to if we want to get out of town without attracting any attention.” A lone human warrior retrieving her horse is a lot less conspicuous than a human and elven warrior traveling together after all.

He glares at me, clearly not pleased with the idea of me wandering off after he just found me. I tighten my hand around his. “I’m not going to run off, I have no reason to disappear on you.”

“Because you’ve already done what what you came here to do.” He growls “Is that what you’re saying?”

I grind my teeth together, this isn't the time or the place. “I will tell you everything that’s happened when we’re somewhere safe,  _ not _ before.” I counter stepping out into the light, this time he doesn’t  make a move to pull me back.

“You’d better.” He snarls as he disappears back into the shadows.

I sigh and start towards the stables, it’s going to be a long night.

Fenris POV

Some days he wonders how he survived those first few days with her. Traveling across the Free Marches with a newborn was difficult enough, preventing his mind from wandering back to the death of the woman he loved was just short of impossible.

The only thing that had managed to keep him going was the knowledge that the little baby in his arms, Aria’s daughter, needed him. When the grief began to take over Sienna’s cires were the only thing that could bring him back.

When he finally reached the small town where Aveline had made her home well over a week had passed. Her surprise hadn't lasted long as she ushered him into her home before her three year old son could ask any questions. He could still remember her rage at what Sebastian had done as if it were yesterday.

_ “He did what!?” Aveline demanded surging out of her chair. _

_ Sienna began to fuss at the loud noise, squirming in her sling. _

_ Fenris nodded mutely as he shifted Sienna to his shoulder. “By the time I reached them they were already in custody, I attempted to rescue them after they were sentenced but…” Splinters bit into his hand as it tightened around the arm of the chair. “I wasn't able to save them.” _

_ Aveline dropped back into her chair, “Maker preserve us. I knew that he swore to get revenge but I never dreamed he’d go so far.” She whispered, Donnic’s hand wrapping around her’s in support. _

_ Aveline lifted her head, “You said her name was Sienna?” She asked focusing on the infant in his arms. _

_ He glanced down at the now awake baby in his arms who was looking up at him with wide amber eyes. “Yes, Aria named her right before she died.” He shifted Sienna in his arms, “Would you like to hold her?” _

_ Aveline’s features softened “Of course.” _

_ Fenris carefully deposited Sienna in Aveline’s arms. She smiled as Sienna’s tiny hand latched onto her finger. _

_ “She might have Anders’ eyes but she’ll be a dead ringer for Aria when she grows up, mark my words.” She said shifting the baby in her arms so Donnic could get a better look at her. _

_ “Anders named me as her godfather right before he died.” Fenris said drawing two surprised looks. “He trusted me to protect and raise her, I will not fail that trust, but there are a few loose ends I need to tie up before I can do so. Even then, I won’t be able to do it alone.” _

_ “We’ll help you in any way we can.” Aveline answered immediately, the look of steel in her eyes reminiscent of their days in Kirkwall. _

_ “She’ll grow up safe and loved.” She said returning her gaze to Sienna. “I promise.” _

_ The sound of a creaking board breaks the silence, Fenris looked up just in time to see a small figure dart back behind the doorframe. _

_ “Damien, come here for a moment.” Aveline called, turning in her chair to face the door. _

_ A little red-headed boy peers out from behind the doorframe before guilty walking into the room. _

_ “I wasn’t spying, I was just wanted to see the baby.” Damien mumbled scuffing his boots against the floor. _

_ Aveline smiled, “Well, I imagine it’s a little hard to see her from all the way over there.” _

_ Damien looked up with a slightly hopeful look on his face as he realized that he wasn't in trouble. _

_ “Come say hello to your little sister.” _

_ “Sister?” He asked as he took a few tentative steps forward until he was right in front of Aveline. _

_ “This is Sienna, her parents have gone to be with The Maker so she’s come to live with us.” Aveline said shifting the baby in her arms so her son could see her. _

_ He peered down at Sienna with a look of wonder before carefully reaching out with his hand. _

_ Sienna latched onto his fingers immediately eliciting a started noise from Damien. _

_ “She’s strong.” He whispered glancing up at his parents, “Can I help take care of her too?” _

_ “Of course.” Aveline said “You're her big brother now.” _

“Fenris!”

Sienna’s voice pulls him back to the present, he glances up from the camp fire he had made to see her approach.

She swung down from her horse, Boudicca, and drops down next to the fire looking exhausted. She’s probably keeping herself awake again, trying to reduce the chances of being caught in the fade by some lesser demon that had yet to learn that attacking Sienna was much more trouble that it was worth.

Flecks of blood stand out against the black of her vest. Whatever happened in Starkhaven hadn't been without bloodshed. It’s not enough blood to stand out or lead a typical guard to assume that she’d been involved in anything more than a minor brawl, but he's not some typical guard. Sienna is more than capable of killing someone with little to no blood. He should know, he’s the one who taught her.

“How’s Damien?”

He glances over at her as she stares into the fire.

“He woke up right before I left.”

Sienna’s gaze snaps to his. “Will he-”

“He will recover, he just needs rest.”

Sienna lets out a sigh of relief. “Good, that’s good to hear.”

Silence stretches out between the two of them.

He’s almost afraid to break it, afraid of what she'll say. He wasn't able to reach her before she entered the city. She knew that he was tracking her and managed to slip inside Starkhaven’s borders where she knew that he couldn’t follow. Now he’s found her again with literal blood on her hands. Her next words could very well confirm his worst fears, she said in her note that she left to get closure but that closure could have easily have come at the cost of Sebastian's life. Fenris would never mourn his death after what he did to Aria, but the idea that Sienna would be the one to end him, to become  _ like _ him, fills Fenris with dread.

“I didn’t kill him.”

The silence shatters at her words.

“I wanted to, but in the end I just... I just couldn’t.”

Wordlessly Fenris wraps his arm around her shoulders and pulls her into his side.

“What stopped you?”

“He has a daughter” Sienna takes a deep breath, “Her name’s Maria, she’s seventeen.”

“I told him the reason I chose to spare him was because he wasn't the same person that killed them. That his death wouldn’t change anything, but I don’t think that alone would have stopped me from killing him.”

“Why did you lie?”

“Because it was what he needed to hear.”

They sit in silence as the fire begins to burn down.

“Will you come home?”

Sienna leans into his side. “Not right now, I still need to process everything, figure out these new ‘fade abilities,’ and get Vengeance settled down. Besides I can’t face them, not yet.”

Fenris let’s out a sigh, he’s not surprised. After everything she’s been through this last week she’ll need some time to adjust.

She glances at him, “Know of any good mercenary jobs that have been posted?”

Fenris chuckles and pulls a beat up flyer out of his pack, of course the first thing she wants to do is take a job. “This job’s been posted on just about every Chanter’s board in the Free Marches. A group of bandits have been attacking caravans and slowing trade. Should pose enough of a challenge to take your mind off everything.”

Sienna tugs the flyer out of his hands. “Privacy reward too, I can set out tonight...”

“Tomorrow.” Fenris cuts her off. “Tonight you’re getting a full eight hours of sleep, actual sleep. Not just meditation.”

Sienna shoots him a look of annoyance “I can’t afford to get trapped in the fade during a mission.”

“Trapped? Those demons can’t trap you, the best they can do is delay you from waking. They stand no chance against you, you know that. Besides you’re not on a mission yet, and i’m here. No one will have the chance to kill you in your sleep while I’m here.”

Sienna sighs. “Alright, but at least let me take the first watch.”

“Fine, but if you don’t wake me and try to sneak off I  _ will _ find you and drag you back home.”

Sienna glares at him. “Understood.”

Sienna POV

The job is far from a difficult one, take out a group of bandits who have taken over one of the old Inquisition strongholds. It’s more of a test run anyway and these two bit bandits are the perfect training dummies. Before I attacked my brother I knew that I had mastered all of my Spirit warrior abilities, everything from creating a, for lack of a better word, cloak of fade energies around me for protection to receiving a blessing of the Fade from multiple benevolent spirits. Now I seem to have gain the ability to heal.

I’m not a mage though, I can’t light fade-fire, energize bridges, or throw fireballs. My connection to the fade through Vengeance just augments my strengths. That doesn't explain my ability to heal though, It might be something leftover from when Vengeance inhabited my father or it could be something else entirely. I’ll have to ask Kain the next time i’m in Kirkwall.

I’m drawn out of my musings by a volley of arrows whizzing by me, the arches unable to aim properly thanks to the fade energy surrounding me.

I take out the support beam below them and send them flying into their own spike traps.

These bandits aren’t worth their reward, how did they manage to drive the caravan owners into placing a bounty on every Chanter’s board in the Free Marches? They must have some noble or official telling them which caravans are under protected or where to ambush them. A well guarded caravan would have no problem dispatching these pathetic excuse for raiders. I’ll have to investigate once I finish clearing them out.

I finally reach the commander's office, he’s barricaded the door. A fade burst sends the offending door and an assortment of furniture flying inward.

I step through the ruined door sword ready and my eyes land on the commander who’s now trapped under the broken remains of his barricade.

He spits blood at me. “You’re too late bitch, I’ve already sent the order, you won’t be able to stop it!”

I stop in my tracks, what order? “I was hired to wipe out your company. What are you talking about?”

His bloodstained grin widens, “Dispatch was sent this morning, and they’ll be dead before next.” His grin widens to maniacal proportions as he passes into the void. I waste no time searching his quarters, whatever was on that dispatch dosen’t sound good.

It only takes a few minutes of searching to find what i’m looking for. A recently printed dispatch dated today. An execution order for… I almost drop the letter.

I stare in shock at the dispatch in my hand, the neatly inked words freeze the blood in my veins. I sprint towards the exit of the compound without a second thought and whistle for Boudicca.

I mount up and in seconds we’re streaking across the landscape.

Time speeds by, I barely register the hours as the moon climbs higher in the sky. It’s directly overhead as I finally cross the city state's borders. I’m almost there.

_ Please don’t let me be too late. _

I finally crest the last hill and my heart leaps into my throat.

The Vael estate is in flames.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to go hide now


	8. Flames

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everyone's going to hate me after this. Oh well, good luck :)

_ All that I have left inside _

_ Is a soul that's filled with pride _

_ I tell you never again, oh _

_ In a brave society _

_ Didn't end up killing me _

_ Scream with me, never again, oh _

_ For the countless souls who died _

_ Their voices fill this night _

_ Sing with me, never again _

_ They aren't lost, you see _

_ The truth will live in me _

_ Believe me, never again _

_ Never again, Disturbed _

 

My boots hit dirt and I'm across the grounds in seconds. The estate is only partially consumed in flames. There's still a chance that they'll still alive.

The unmistakable sound of a sword striking metal rings out over the crackling of the flames as I draw closer to the estate. I can just make out two figures through the window. The smaller one just managing to dodge a sword swing, their forms barely visible against the harsh light of the flames. I double my speed and crash through the window.

The two figures stumble back to avoid the rain of shattered glass from my entrance, I rise to my feet, ignoring the sting cuts from the glass and take in the scene in seconds. The room was probably a library before the fire began but now it's shelves only hold ash and embers. Bodies litter the ground, arrows sprouting from chinks in their armor. All the bodies carry mercenary colors, the blue and silver of the Vael's personal guard are conspicuously absent.

The two figures spin to face me and I recognize the smaller figure instantly- it's Maria! She's alive, injured, but alive. A few open cuts and burns cover her exposed arms and her armor is covered in blood, but nothing serious. The attacking mercenary is much worse for wear with several arrows embedded in his armor courtesy of the bow in Maria's hands. Judging from the state of exhaustion they're in, and the bodies on the ground, the fight has been going for some time. Recovering from his shock the attacking merc spins to face me, sword raised. I cut him down before he has a chance to use it. I turn to Maria only to find an arrow notched and pointed at my chest.

"You!" Her eyes widen as she recognizes me, she lowers her bow slightly but keeps the line taught.

"You're the courier my father was talking with two days ago! What are you doing here?"

I sheath my sword and hold up my hands placatingly, "Milady I promise I will explain everything to you in detail once you're safe, but first I need to get you out of here."

She shakes her head and lowers her bow, "I'm not leaving without my father. We have to find him!"

Of course she won't leave without him, I don't know why I asked.

"Alright then," I unclasp the amulet of fire from around my neck and toss it to her. "Put that on, it will protect you from breathing in any more smoke."

She loops the jewel around her neck without complaint. "But what about you?"

"I'll be fine, you're the priority," I say ignoring the now suffocating feeling from the smoke. "We don't have much time until the fire consumes everything. If we're going to find him we need to do it fast."

Worry flickers across her features before returning to steely determination. "He was in his study before the alarm sounded, it's not far."

I unsheathe my sword and head toward the door. "Lead the way."

The study might not be far but the smoke, flaming debris, and mercenaries quickly made what should have been a short trip into a war of attrition just to cross a single corridor. I see bodies in every room we pass, servants and attacking mercs alike, but just like in the library the blue and silver uniform of the Vael's personal guard is once again missing.

I hear Maria whispering prayers for the dead; she's kept it together so far. Managing to stay focused and level-headed even as she steps over the bodies of people she knew, but I don't know how long that will last. Even worse, the longer we search the greater the chance that the estate will come crashing down around us. If this keeps up I might have to decide between getting her out and saving Sebastian. That's not a call I want to make, but I'm slowly running out of time to make it.

Luckily just as that thought is crossing my mind we reach the study.

The moment the smoke clears and we can see inside I almost wish we hadn't.

"Father!" Maria screams as she runs forward.

It looks like part of the supports for the ceiling collapsed trapping him underneath. Only his part of his upper torso, his right arm, and his head escaped the crushing debris. For a split second I worry that the impact may have killed him but his eyes open at his daughter's scream.

"Maria," he rasps, voice rough with smoke, as he reaches out to her with his free hand.

"Father!" Maria grabs his outstretched hand tightly in her own, desperation carving itself into her features. The fear and panic banishing her earlier determination and focus without mercy.

"Father just hold on, we'll get you out of there-"

"Maria..." he rasps, cutting off her frantic reassurances "It's no use… the supports..."

I follow his gaze to the ceiling and hiss out a curse. Those support beams weight at least a ton each, even if I could move them it would destabilize the rest of the debris and bring the ceiling down on us. There's no way to get him out, no way to save him.

Maria seems to realize this a second after I do. "No," she whispers eyes wide with horror.

"NO!" Her hands tightening around his as any rational thought dissolves into hysteria, "There has to be a way, there has to! I'm not leaving you here!"

"Yes you are!" He responds, strength returning to his voice. "If we both die here then whoever ordered this attack will have won! I cannot escape my fate but you still can! You have to escape while there's still time!"

Maria shakes her head, refusing to accept his words, "No, Maker no, there has to be a way to save you!"

Sebastian's expression softens as he reaches up to wipe the tears from her eyes. "You never change, always so determined to save everyone that you forget to take care of yourself. I'm sorry I won't be there to see the person you'll become. I love you, never forget that."

"Father..." She whispers as her tears begin to fall in earnest.

For the first time since we entered the room Sebastian turns his gaze to me. If he's surprised to see me he doesn't show it. "I know I have no right to ask this of you, but please, take care of her, keep her safe."

His plead drives the air from my lungs. A last request to protect his daughter, there's only one response I can give. "I will protect her, you have my word."

A look of relief crosses his features at my words. "Thank you, I know she'll be safe with you."

He briefly turns his gaze back to his daughter. Maria didn't react to our exchange. She's lost to her grief, unable to focus on anything other than the fact that she's about to lose her father. I doubt she even remembers that I'm here.

His eyes return to me. "At least now your parents finally have the justice they deserve."

Confusion washes over me.

Justice?

I look at the scene surrounding me: the fire burning around us, the bodies we passed, a girl watching her father die, a man dying a brutal senseless death. A family torn apart, dozens of lives lost and for what? Political gain? And all the while my parents remain dead in the ground.

I shake my head, "This isn't justice, and for what it's worth... I forgive you."

His surprise at my words quickly melts into a sense of peace. "Thank you."

An ear-splitting crack wrenches my gaze upwards. One of the remaining ceiling supports has begun to buckle. With a sickening screech it snaps and collides with another beam sending a tremor through the room signaling the imminent collapse of the building. We could only have seconds before the room comes down on top of us!

Sebastian eyes cut into me. "You have to go! Now!" He yells pushing Maria away from him.

"No!" Maria yells trying to hold onto him.

I grab Maria by the shoulder and yank her back just as a large piece of debris crashes to the ground nearby. If we don't get out of here soon we'll be buried alive! I wrap an arm around her chest and drag her back towards the entrance to the room.

She throws an elbow at my side, trying to free herself.

"No!" She screams reaching out, "Father!"

There's a peace in his eyes as he watches us go. "May the Maker watch over you both."

Just as I'm pulling Maria across the threshold of the room the battered supports give in and the room collapses in on itself. Sebastian disappears under a shower of debris.

"Father!" Maria fights against me with new strength. She's beyond reason and we won't escape in time if she's fighting me every step of the way. My fingers dig into the pressure points in her neck and she goes limp in my arms. I carry her through the burning corridors, dodging falling stonework and beams.

I jerk to the side as another support gives, holding Maria tight against me. Between the smoke and the rapidly collapsing building the corridors are steadily becoming impassible. Getting out the way we came isn't an option.

My breath comes in harsh gasps as I fight for air through the smoke, blackness begins to creep into the edges of my vision. Damn, if I don't get out of here soon we're both dead.

I spy the telltale glint of glass through the smoke, a window or a product of my rapidly failing vision I don't know, but at this point, I don't care.

"Hold!"

A figure steps out of the smoke in front of me sword drawn. Venhedis, that's not a hallucination. He's not wearing the same colors as the mercenaries, or any identifying colors or emblems for that matter, but at this point the only thing that matters is that the towering windows behind him are real, and that he's in my way.

"Not one more step, I'm getting paid a staggering amount of gold to make sure that the Vael line ends here. I don't know who you are, but you won't live long enough to regret coming here."

I tighten my grip around Maria as he advances on us, I'm in no shape to fight him and judging from the way he holds himself he's much more skilled than the mercenaries I killed earlier. All the other attackers probably fled once the estate started to collapse, or, judging by the blood on his sword, were killed by him in order to tie up loose ends.

A top tier sellsword sent as a defense against survivors. Whoever planned this attack knew what they were doing, I'll give them that. In my current condition I won't be able to win a fight against him, thankfully I don't have to.

I can feel Vengeance stirring behind my eyes, his rage singing through my veins as he roars for blood.

I take a step back as the mercenary raises his sword. "Not as much as you're about to," I retort unable to fight back a grin as Vengeance coils inside of me, "Sic him."

Vengeance surges out of me, letting out an earsplitting screech as his claws sink into his prey's sword arm. Tearing it clean off.

The mercenary stumbles back clutching the bloody stump that way once his arm, eyes wide with horror.

Vengeance doesn't give him a chance to retreat, cleaving his head clean off his shoulders with one swift moment and sending the body flying through the window. Eliminating the threat and clearing my escape route in one fell swoop.

"Good boy," I whisper as he dives back into me. I can feel his contentment as he settles down in the corners of my mind.

I run through the broken window. Gasping in relief as fresh air fills my lungs. I don't stop moving till we reach the tree-line. I try to catch my breath and look down at the girl in my arms.

She's still unconscious and is breathing regularly. She looks peaceful, a stark contrast to the terror and desperation she displayed not too long ago.

The sound of hooves snap me out of my thoughts and I look up to see Boudicca trotting up to me.

"Good girl," I say lifting Maria into the saddle and mounting up behind her unconscious form.

I nudge Boudicca into a gallop and ride south, putting as much distance between us and the burning remains of the Vael estate as possible. I tighten the arm that I have looped around Maria's waist. Whoever ordered this attack will never touch her, I promise. I'll keep her safe, no matter what.

Wide eyes watch as a figure flies through a window of the burning estate, an inhuman screech ringing out in triumph over the sound of the flames and the shattering of glass. In the shadow of the flames an ethereal blue creature is stands, claws raised, blood dripping from it's teeth, visible even at this distance.

They huddle back into the shadow of a tree, debating whether or not to run as the creature vanishes and another figure runs out of the now broken window. Carrying something in their arms.

They inch out of cover, trying to see who managed to escape the flames. As the figure gets further from the flames the shadows pull back to reveal a young woman in black leather armor with a greatsword on her shoulder, she's carrying something in her arms. As the mystery swordswoman makes it to the tree line the figure in her arms becomes visible.

Princess Maria! Relief sweeps through them, she's safe!

That relief quickly turns to horror as the swordswoman puts the unconscious princess on her horse and begins to swiftly ride away from Starkhaven.

They step out of the shadows as the horse disappears from view. The royal family's estate has been set aflame and an unknown swordswoman has taken their princess.

With hurried steps they begin to run back toward Starkhaven.

I sigh as I look around the small camp I set up. Once we got far enough away from Starkhaven fatigue began to overtake me. Between completing the job I got from Fenris, riding to Starkhaven, fighting my way through the burning Vael estate, carrying Maria out of the estate, unleashing Vengeance, not to mention the ride away from Starkhaven, I'm absolutely exhausted.

I pull a wineskin full of water out of my saddle bags and try to wash the burning sensation from my throat. The decision to give Maria my amulet was definitely the right one, she had been fighting in the smoke long before I got there and would have almost definitely collapsed from smoke inhalation if it wasn't for my amulet. That doesn't mean that I'm not suffering from that decision now. I'll have to get an extra protection charm the next time I see Kain so this doesn't happen again.

I glance over at Maria, who still lies fast asleep on a bedroll with the blanket drawn over her. She didn't so much as twitch during the ride from Starkhaven but I doubt that will last much longer. I highly doubt that she's going to be happy with me when she wakes up.

I sit down next to the fire and stretch only to wince as my arms burn in protest. I run a hand over one of the larger cuts. I have no energy left to heal myself and with my current state of exhaustion a stamina potion could do more harm than good. I pull an elfroot potion from my belt and spin the small bottle between my fingers, watching how the light from the flames reflects through the glass. I don't have many of these and I don't know when I'll get a chance to craft or buy more. We're out of danger right now but that could change quickly. If it was just me I'd probably take that risk and use one but now it's not just me. The cuts and burns on my arms aren't severe enough to warrant me using a potion on them. I'll save them for now and bandage up my arms until I have enough energy to heal them.

I've just finished wrapping up my arms when Maria begins to stir.

"What… where… where am I?" Maria asks as she attempts to push herself upright, before collapsing back onto the bed roll in a coughing fit.

"Try not to move just yet, you've inhaled a lot of smoke." I say as I carefully wrap an arm around her shoulders and help her into a sitting position.

"Smoke?" She asks between coughs as she tries to get her breathing under control.

I hand her the wineskin of water which she gratefully accepts and proceeds to wash the lingering smoke from her throat.

"What happened? I know you, but I don't remember why..." her voice trails off as she tries to fill in the gaps in her memories.

I settle myself into a sitting position next to her. "What's the last thing you remember?"

"I… I was in the library at the estate, I had just come in from the training yard and wanted a look at the new shipment of books that had just come in." Her eyes narrow, "I was going through the crate and then..."

Her words catch in her throat. "No..." she whispers in horror as the memories come flooding back.

"NO!" her hands tighten around the blanket covering her. "No, he can't be, he's not..." Her voice breaks, "Father!" She sobs burying her head in her hands.

She curls in on herself, shoulders shaking, I pull her into my arms and I just hold her as she cries. There's nothing else I can do.

"Why?" she finally asks as her tears begin to subside. "Maker why? Why him? Why did this happen? Why-" Her voice breaks as fresh tear begin to fall. "Why couldn't I save him?!"

I pull back slightly, leaving an arm around her shoulders, and carefully push her hair out of her eyes. "Milady, there was nothing you could have d-"

I catch her fist right before it hits my face.

"You!" She yells eyes alight with tearstained rage, "This all is your fault!"

I jerk to the side and roll to my feet as she lunges at me.

"I could have saved him if it wasn't for you!"

I counter her attack sending her tumbling to the ground.

"There was nothing either of us could have done," I respond as she picks herself up from the dirt. "You would've died with him if I hadn't stopped you. I know you feel like there must have been something you could have done to save him-"

"Shut up!" She yells as she lunges at me once again. "Don't talk like you know what I'm going through! You don't know anything!" My eyes narrow, ok that's enough. This time, I catch her hands and twist, locking her wrists.

"I know nothing? Princess I know  _ exactly _ what you're going through." I snap, long-buried anger rising to the surface. "You feel like this is the end of the world, that this can't  _ possibly _ be real. You feel like maybe, just maybe, you could have done  _ something _ and saved him. Because if you couldn't then what good are you! You'll hold tight to your anger in a desperate attempt to force the world to make sense. You'll hate yourself for surviving. You'll wish that you died that day. Every part of your life will feel hollow and meaningless because what's the point in living now that they're gone!?"

I take a deep breath, feeling the rage drain away for good as I finally give voice the loss I have carried in silence for so long. Maria is staring at me with wide eyes, her previous rage long forgotten. I loosen my grip on her hands and take a step back.

"And In the end, you'll realize that this isn't what he would have wanted. You'll discover that you're a lot stronger than you ever thought you were, and you'll live for him."

For a long moment she just stares at me, then she collapses against me as her tears begin to fall once again. I carefully lower us to the ground and hold her as she clings to me, sobbing into my shoulder.

I run my fingers through her soot stained hair. "I'm here," I whisper to her, "I'm here."

I don't tell her that everything's going to alright, I don't say that everything happens for a reason, I don't tell her that she's going to be fine. None of those are true and I'm not about to lie to her under the pretense of comfort. She has to mourn and deal with this on her own, and when she does she will not be the same person she is now. Tragedy and loss do nothing but take, and you have to try and replace what was lost.

For the longest time I just hold her as she cries. Hours could have passed, I don't bother to try and count the time. It feels insignificant and irrelevant in the face of what just happened.

Eventually, her tears begin to slow and her constant shaking transitions into infrequent tremors.

She pulls back to look at me."What… what do I do now?" She asks, she looks so lost.

I brush the tear tracks from her cheeks. "That's up to you. Your life is your own, I cannot tell you how to live it or what to do next. You have to decide that for yourself."

She falls silent and pulls an amulet from the collar of her armor. She spins it between her fingers, light from the fire reflecting off the symbol of Andraste on one side and the Vael crest on the other. "I want… I want to find who did this, who killed him," her fingers contract around the amulet, cutting into her hand and sending rivulets of blood running across the Chantry sunburst, "and make them pay."

I study her carefully, that hard look in her eyes is far too familiar.

I could tell her that revenge won't bring her peace. I could tell her that killing whoever ordered this won't bring him back. I could tell her that going down this path could start a cycle of death that is near impossible to stop.

Instead of saying any of those things I gently pry the bloodied amulet from her grasp and begin wrapping her hand. "Where do we start our search."

She looks surprised at my easy acceptance and then wary. "Our?"

I tighten the bandages around her hand and cooly meet her gaze. "Yes, our. I gave my word that I'd protect you and I will not break it. You're clearly being targeted by someone with vast resources and much to gain from the death of the Starkhaven ruling family. I'm not letting you out of my sight, wherever you go I go. So I'll ask again, where do we start our search."

She sighs, "I don't know. Yes, we have enemies but none who would act this openly. Starkhaven politics isn't as elaborate or bloody as Orlais' Grand Game but any political maneuverings against us would happen behind closed doors. I'd need access to our spymaster's papers at the royal palace to see who's been making any big moves lately but I can't go back to Starkhaven without knowing who ordered the attack."

I finish tying the bandages around the gash in her hand. "There's one other place we can get that information," I say as I pack up the medical supplies. "It's a week's journey south but I guarantee that we'll get all the information we need and more if we go there."

Maria considers this for a moment. "If you're sure that's where we'll find what we need..." She says before turning her gaze from her bloodied family crest and back to me.

"I don't know your name."

My heart jolts. "Sienna."

She just nods. "Maria," she responds with a rueful expression on her face, "Just Maria now, seeing as my title just went up in flames." she adds dryly with an almost unnoticeable edge of anger to her voice.

I can't help the smile that fights it's way onto my face at her attempt at humor in the face of everything that's just happened. "Understood."

She tucks her amulet back into the collar of her armor and gets to her feet as I stow the rest of my gear in Boudicca's saddle bags and put out the fire.

I mount up, Maria climbing up behind me and I nudge Boudicca to a trot.

Her arms wind around my waist.

"Where are we headed?"

"Kirkwall."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaaaaaaand that's the sound of me being hunted down with torches and pitchforks. I'm going to go crawl back under that rock now.


End file.
